I had a professor in University, who was probably the best professor I ever had.
And one day, he gave me the best advice I ever received.
And it had nothing to do with higher education.
‘Love is not a feeling’.
The entire class looked at him either puzzled, annoyed, or confused by our ‘lesson of the day’.
‘Love is not a feeling. It is an action.’
And this has stuck with me every day since that class.
Love is an action.
And that is why so many people cheat.
Love is something that we choose to partake in every day,
like putting cream in our coffee
or going to the gym.
But the thing is, many people believe that love is a feeling.
And this destroys relationships every single day.
Well, let me explain.
Let’s say Jack and Jill have been dating for 5 years.
Their relationship is good, they get along, they fight every once and a while but it’s normal.
Their honey-moon phase is very much over, so they’re not making out like rabbits anymore or getting each other gifts every other day.
But they are happy, and they care so much about each other.
Jill gets a new job, and at this job she meets Stan.
Stan really likes Jill, and wants to remind her of that on a daily basis.
He sends her flirty emails, and asks her out for coffee every week.
Jill loves the attention, and a little fire lights up in her soul every time he gives her a compliment or touches her hand.
Jill thinks this feeling inside of her is the beginnings of love.
and then she tries to justify these feelings with her thoughts:
‘Jack doesn’t make me feel this way anymore’
‘Jack and I’s relationship isn’t exciting like this one.’
‘There must be a reason why I feel this way for Stan and not for Jack’.
So Jill cheats.
Jack didn’t do anything wrong.
Jill is happy for a second.
And then slowly realizes that the feeling she had in her soul wasn’t love, it was simply small hits of dopamine from meeting someone different, and exciting.
Like the feeling you get when someone likes your Instagram photo, or follows you on twitter.
Now Jill is miserable.
And Jack has moved on to Little Bo Beep.
People cheat because they think that love is this magical burst of energy that happens between two people. That hot feeling you get behind your ears, and the twinkling you get in your gut.
But it’s not.
Love is something that you actively choose to participate in every single day because you care about another person and you want to see them happy.
If you feel someone is not putting in the same effort, or you feel your effort is going unnoticed…
Or maybe you don’t feel the need to put in effort at all…
Then that is okay, and perhaps it’s time to start looking for someone that you are willing to work for every single day.
Relationships should be filled with happiness and joy.
Fireworks won’t necessarily happen all the time, but you should feel happy every day.
Maybe not ALL day, every day.
But every day.
If you’re not feeling this way, then maybe that relationship isn’t for you.
So do the logical thing, and end that one and move onto the next.
it’s very simple.
Don’t have your cake, and then also try to eat it.
People are selfish by nature, and these butterfly feelings we get from meeting someone new are like the strongest drug. So we run towards them as fast as we can.
But it’s just a feeling.
Like feeling sad at a funeral, or happy when you win a prize.
It doesn’t last forever, and we always come to realize that eventually don’t we?
The strongest and longest relationships are created by those who choose to love every single day. And that is pretty fantastic.
So what is love?
It’s a commitment to seeing someone else happy.
to seeing someone else succeed.
to see someone else laugh.
And even when you’re not feeling fireworks, you choose to stay.
Have you ever watched fireworks?
I am sure you have.
They go up. Then they come down.
Have you ever seen a firework stay in the sky?
But I can tell you who was there with me even after they came down.