The title says it all. I am in a long-distance relationship.
We’ve been doing pretty well over the past 6 years.
But our relationship took a sharp turn not too long ago.
And when did this sharp turn happen you ask?
The release of Fortnite.
If you are in a long-distance relationship, and you have yet to experience The Fortnite Effect, then consider yourself lucky. I would call it a video game, but that doesn’t seem to do it justice. My boyfriend is about 3 weeks into Fortnite and I’m considering calling it a way of life. Now, I’m used to my boyfriend spending extended periods of time gaming. I’ve often questioned over the years if he loves Halo 2 more than he loves me. But Fortnite is on a whole new level.
So now that my boyfriend is well into the Fortnite obsession, I consider myself an expert on how to deal with the subject—especially since I’m doing it long distance style. I’m like the Victor Krum of long distance gaming and I’m here to share my knowledge. Let’s start with a Con’s shall we?
He ignores my calls
Calling during a gaming session? May the odds be ever in your favour.
You might want to avoid any major life accomplishments during this time, and try to dodge bad situations like fender benders, burning yourself, or getting a concussion. Because if you need help, he ain’t coming. And if you want to chat, he’s not available. You’d have better luck sending letters by bird (Lord of the Rings style) than you will sending a text or calling.
He says things I don’t understand
Andy would like to take this time to let you guys know that dating someone who lives far away is like landing in tilted towers, away from your other 3 squad members and only finding minis while the other team gets blue pumps and scoped AR’s. But when you are finally together, ohhh baby I’m talking gold scar with a chug jug and 999 bricks.
god help me.
You Know He’s Not Cheating
Worried about your long-distance boyfriend cheating on you? Show him Fortnite. He will not leave his room. Delete the Find my Friends app, forget all his passwords, calm your worries, and find solace in the fact that your man ain’t going NO WHERE. And if he does plan on going anywhere, it’s probably to get food, or restock his living room coffee table. Oh, and his teeth won’t be brushed, and his deodorant will be faded. Girl, you’re good.
Andy would like to take this time to say that you can’t have trust issues in a long-distance relationship, like people who land in shifty shafts. You need to just have faith in what you have and be reliable like snobby shores. He told me to hold on while he finds me a victory picture to end this blog with…
You don’t need Birth Control.
If you think boys only have one thing on their mind… you’re right. It’s Fort Nite.
He not concerned with what you’re doing
Been dying to do things on your own? Do you have some time to yourself when you’re not being hounded? Now is your chance. Book some appointments, leave your phone in your bag, and go out with your friends. Because he doesn’t give a shit what you’re doing, and sometimes that’s a good thing.
My Final Thoughts
So the question everyone is waiting for: Is Fortnite going to ruin your relationship? Nah.
I’m betting on it being a phase (but that might just be wishful thinking). I think Fortnite is going to come and go like KONY 2012, or Pokemon Go. It too, shall pass. He might be 20 pounds heavier when it’s all over, and have a beard like Gandalf, but at least he was happy.
Andy says, you have to be supportive in a long-distance relationship like a good teammate with a med kit… I hate my life.
PS. To all your boys out there, don’t kid yourselves. Fortnite and men are not mutually exclusive. You think ‘video games aren’t your thing’ and you’ve snuck your way out of the Fortnite phase? If your girl like video games… good luck to you bro.